


I'd Rather Leave Than Never Believe

by justyoumeandthestars



Series: Chariot Series [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 14:11:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyoumeandthestars/pseuds/justyoumeandthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.</p></blockquote>





	I'd Rather Leave Than Never Believe

Family dinners in the Taylor household were just as they should be. Small talk about sports figures, jobs, the weather. A prayer before passing bowls of food around the wooden table covered in a brown cloth. Justin stared at his plate and avoided all eye contact with Mr. Kinney, sitting kitty-corner from him. 

“Justin, have you heard back from Dartmouth?” Brian asked, knowing damn well that Justin had gotten in and hadn't told his parents. It was a sore spot between the two.

“Uh no, not yet, Mr. Kinney. I've really been looking into Carnegie Mellon. I don't know if I'm ready to leave Pittsburgh, but if I change my mind I can always transfer to Dartmouth.” Justin stated, looking Brian in the face. They'd only had this conversation over whispers late after Craig had fallen to sleep.

“You're going to Dartmouth, Justin.” His father bluntly said while setting his glass of wine back on the table harshly. 

“I know, dad, but I really don't know if I want to do that my first year own of high school. I have family and friends here. I want to be close in case something happens. I'm too attached.”

“That's a cowardly thing to say,” Craig told him. Justin looked back down into his mashed potatoes. “Brian, you moved away from home when you were sixteen, correct?”

Brian smirks, “I was a foster kid. I didn't really have much of a choice, Craig. And I understand what Justin's saying, he's never had to stick a toe out of his comfort zone.” Justin's head snaps up.

“May I be excused?” He questions, but doesn't wait for an answer before throwing his napkin onto his plate and storming up the stairs to his bedroom. He hears mumbling down in the dining room and he sits at his desk and watches his hand shake while his head aches. He's began to tune out the discomfort and even ignores it at times until he's ready to scream. He grabs his skull with his left hand – the one that's not fucked out of order and tries to breathe. 

Fuck all Brian knows about his comfort zone. He closes his eyes and pictures the brunette in the cream colored chaise by the pool, shades covering his eyes and a smile covering his mouth. He lays nude and talks to Justin like an adult. But now Justin knows better. Three months after all of this began, he knows better. Brian views him as a spoiled, bratty child. 

He hears a knock on his door and turns to see the older man step in. The blond swallows and hates that Brian looks dashing in a simple white shirt and black dress pants. “Fuck off.”

“They sent me up here to talk to you.” Justin blankly stares at him, grinding his teeth. “You should go to Dartmouth.”

“You should mind your own fucking business.” He turns back to his desk and stares and his stupid fucking acceptance letter, the stupid fucking green of the letters making him feel ill. 

Brian walks toward him and crouches down next to the desk chair, “You are my business.”

“Until what? You find some twink at a nightclub and sell the house and move away because you're so fucking terrified of my father that you pretend to like pussy?” Justin's not looking at him and he knows it's irritating Brian. “I don't want to be your science project, some seventeen year old kid who fell for his neighbor guy who's 21 years older than him. I don't want that and I won't do that. I'm not going to Dartmouth because you want me to go so that you don't have to worry about me anymore.”

“Is that what you think this is about? Justin,” he puts his hand on the blond's, but he yanks it away. “Look at me, Justin. Listen to me.”

“Go away. I don't want to talk to you anymore.”

“Fucking look at me when I talk to you.” He reprimands and grabs Justin's chin and forces him to stare at him. “That's not why I want you to go.”

Justin's quiet and he waits until Brian's let his grip go before stating, “I could tell them, you know. That Mr. Kinney's been sweet-talking me into being his fuck buddy. I could turn these tables so fast you'll go blind and broke trying to pay your lawyer bills.” 

“Don't do this.”

“Then leave me alone.” And Brian pauses before nodding and standing up and walking out of the door, closing it quietly. He hears murmurs downstairs again and the front door closes and he looks out his window to see Brian walking home, his feet dragging and his shoulders slumped. Justin knows just then what it feels like to be in love.

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.


End file.
